Coles Milking the Cash Cow Dry

cashcow

For those of you who read this excellent blog from Milk Maid Marian will know she has quite a way with words so when I was sent this classic ‘Explaining Ideology With Moo Cows!’ that does the rounds from time with updates on what is topical at the time I knew Marian was just the person to give it an Australian dairy milk prices wars theme.

What a clever little vegemite she is. Less than a minute it took her to put together the Coles Corporation ditty ( see bottom of post )

Subject: The world economy

SOCIALISM

You have 2  cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows
The State takes both and gives you  some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.
The  State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk  away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two  cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies,  and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using  letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute  a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all  four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk  rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman  Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the  rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual  report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.


A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two  cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads,  because you want three cows.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You  charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE  CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have 300 people  milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high  bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real  situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have  two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH  CORPORATION

You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you  have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade  your country.
You still have no cows but at least you are now a  Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You  have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the  office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW  ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.
The one on the  left looks very attractive.

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their  milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans  you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF  call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a  haircut.

A COLES CORPORATION

You have two cows

You refuse to feed them and complain they make too much noise

You give away their milk while picking the pockets of everyone who passes buy

Eventually, the cows die of starvation, so you get everyone drinking UHT instead

 

milking-the-system

Special Thanks to XQHEQUE for this very accurate cartoon comment

Author: Lynne Strong

I am a 6th generation farmer who loves surrounding myself with optimistic, courageous people who believe in inclusion, diversity and equality and embrace the power of collaboration. I am the founder of Picture You in Agriculture. Our team design and deliver programs that inspire pride in Australian agriculture and support young people to thrive in business and life

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