Satirical representation. No actual clowns were employed in the making of this council.
Looking to pivot away from meaningful communication and into a career where vague language, circular logic and passive voice reign supreme? You might just have what it takes to become a spin doctor in local government.
At Kiama Council, we’ve seen the craft honed to such dizzying heights, it really ought to be a university major. So, for those inspired by recent exhibitions of bureaucratic ballet, here’s a breakdown of the essential skill set, and the degree you’d need, to enter this murky but marvellously well-defended world.
📚 Degree: Bachelor of Arts (in Obfuscation and Delay)
Double major in Strategic Ambiguity and Circular Consultation
Core Subjects Might Include:
-
Intro to Passive Voice
“Mistakes were made.”
Learn how to strip agency from every sentence so no one ever knows who did what, or why. -
Advanced Euphemism
Translate “we stuffed it” into “unexpected budgetary variance within a dynamic delivery environment.” -
Spin Cycle 101
Turn every negative into an ‘opportunity for growth’, preferably in 600 words or more. -
Community Engagement (Optional Elective)
Because listening is optional. But looking like you’re listening? That’s gold. -
Excel Acrobatics
Essential for hiding real meaning inside colourful bar graphs with zero context. -
Public Speaking for Politicians and Possums
How to appear calm, cute, and a little bit confused, while firmly refusing to answer the question.
🛠 Real-World Skills Required
-
Deadline Evasion:
An internal clock that knows how to stall until after the next election cycle. -
Email Mastery:
Say everything while saying nothing. Bonus points for including the words “noted,” “strategic,” and “ongoing.” -
The Long Pause:
Perfected by council spokespersons everywhere. Gives the illusion of deep thought while waiting for legal to respond. -
Meeting Bingo:
Learn how to use terms like “framework,” “lens,” “alignment” and “stakeholder pathways” in a sentence without blinking.
At Kiama Council, we don’t just admire this art form, we live it. From “monitoring future needs” to “aligning with state frameworks,” every missed opportunity is neatly packaged and returned to sender with a bow and a hyperlink to a 72-page PDF no one asked for.
So if you’ve ever read a council report and found yourself more confused than when you started, don’t worry, it’s not you. It’s working as intended.
#KiamaCouncil #BureaucraticSpin #LocalGovLife #PassiveVoiceMasters #StrategicAmbiguity #StakeholderBingo #YouveBeenFrameworked