Flying Monkeys. Unravelling the Origins of a Term in the Context of Domestic Abuse

The term “flying monkeys” serves as a powerful metaphor, encapsulating the dynamics of manipulation and control that extend beyond the direct relationship between abuser and victim

In the conversations surrounding domestic abuse and narcissistic behaviour, the term “flying monkeys” has gained traction, capturing the imagination and curiosity of many. This intriguing phrase, borrowed from the realm of literature and cinema, has found a place in the modern lexicon of psychological and emotional abuse. This blog post seeks to explore the origins of this term, its significance in the context of domestic abuse, and the roles these enablers play in perpetuating harm.

The Literary Roots

The term “flying monkeys” is derived from L. Frank Baum’s classic novel, “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz”, and its iconic 1939 film adaptation. In the story, the Wicked Witch of the West employs these winged creatures to do her bidding, harassing Dorothy and her companions as they journey to the Emerald City. The flying monkeys are not inherently evil; rather, they are compelled to serve the witch’s malevolent commands.

Adoption into Psychological Discourse

In the realm of psychology and domestic abuse discussions, “flying monkeys” has been adopted to describe individuals who, knowingly or unknowingly, are manipulated into perpetuating the narcissist’s abuse by targeting the victim. Much like their namesakes, these enablers are not the primary source of abuse but serve as instruments in the hands of a manipulator, extending the reach of their control and harm.

The Role of Flying Monkeys in Domestic Abuse

Flying monkeys in the context of domestic abuse play various roles, all of which serve to reinforce the abuser’s control and manipulation:

  1. Spread Disinformation: They may spread lies and rumours about the victim, often echoing the narcissist’s narrative to discredit and isolate the victim further.
  2. Harassment and Intimidation: Flying monkeys can also engage in direct harassment, sending messages or making calls on behalf of the abuser, serving to intimidate and control the victim.
  3. Spying and Reporting Back: In some cases, they act as the eyes and ears of the abuser, reporting back on the victim’s activities and state of mind.
  4. Enabling Denial: Their actions can provide the abuser with plausible deniability, as the abuser can claim they are not directly responsible for the actions of others.

Psychological Impact on the Victim

The involvement of flying monkeys in the dynamics of abuse complicates the victim’s experience, often leading to increased feelings of isolation, confusion, and betrayal. Understanding the role of these enablers is crucial for victims in recognising the full scope of the abuse and seeking effective support and intervention.

The term “flying monkeys” serves as a powerful metaphor, encapsulating the dynamics of manipulation and control that extend beyond the direct relationship between abuser and victim. By understanding the origins and implications of this term, individuals can better recognise these patterns of behaviour and take steps to protect themselves and their loved ones from the insidious reach of domestic abuse. Awareness and education are key in dismantling the networks of manipulation that perpetuate harm, paving the way for healing and empowerment.

#DomesticAbuseAwareness #FlyingMonkeys #PsychologicalManipulation #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalSupport #BreakTheCycle

This is a guest post by Alex Reed. 

Alex is a passionate mental health advocate who uses their writing to bridge the gap between clinical psychology and everyday experiences.  Alex offers insights, advice, and comfort to those seeking understanding and solidarity. Alex believes in the power of shared stories to inspire healing and growth.

Navigating the Shadows. The Exploitation of Narcissists’ Victims for Personal Gain

We welcome our newest guest blogger Alex Reed. Alex is a passionate mental health advocate who will use their writing to bridge the gap between clinical psychology and everyday experiences. Alex offers insights, advice, and comfort to those seeking understanding and solidarity.  Alex believes in the power of shared stories to inspire healing and growth.

In the intricate dynamics entwined with narcissistic behaviour, a particularly malevolent pattern frequently overlooked emerges: individuals who perceive the vulnerability of a narcissist’s victim as an avenue to exploit these persons for their own selfish benefit. This blog post aims to shed light on the motivations and strategies of these shadowy exploiters, providing insights and guidance on safeguarding oneself from becoming ensnared in their manipulative tactics.

Deciphering the Dynamics

Narcissists, with their manipulative, domineering, and often abusive conduct, leave their victims in a state of emotional fragility, battling diminished self-worth, disorientation, and a profound sense of isolation. It is amidst this backdrop of vulnerability that shadow exploiters spot their chance, pinpointing these individuals as susceptible marks for their exploitative endeavours.

Motivations Behind the Exploitation

The driving forces of those who prey on the victims of narcissists can vary but typically stem from a pursuit of dominance, control, or financial advantage. These predators are skilled at recognising signs of vulnerability and may deploy charm, simulated empathy, or promises of aid to win over their victim. Nevertheless, their ultimate aim is not to offer bona fide assistance but to harness the victim’s compromised state for their own ends.

Tactics Utilised

  1. Fabricated Companionship: Masquerading as empathetic allies, these exploiters proffer a sympathetic ear and support, all the while collating information to leverage against the victim subsequently.
  2. Financial Predation: Identifying the victim’s potential financial dependency stemming from the narcissistic relationship, exploiters might propose financial “assistance” with ulterior motives or engage in outright theft.
  3. Emotional Subterfuge: They may echo the narcissist’s manipulative tactics, gradually eroding the victim’s self-esteem while portraying themselves as the sole pillar of support.
  4. Enforced Isolation: Similar to narcissists, these individuals strive to cut off their target from other sources of support, rendering the victim increasingly reliant on them.

Safeguarding Measures

  1. Bolster Support Networks: A robust, authentic support network is a formidable defence against exploiters. Re-establish connections with trusted friends and family.
  2. Professional Assistance: A mental health professional can equip you with the necessary tools to rebuild self-esteem and identify unhealthy relationship patterns.
  3. Financial Autonomy: Strive for financial self-sufficiency, if feasible, to diminish vulnerability to economic exploitation.
  4. Inform Yourself: Gaining an understanding of narcissistic behaviour and the manoeuvres of exploiters arms you with the awareness to recognise early warning signs.
  5. Heed Your Instincts: If an individual or situation arouses suspicion, trust your gut feeling and seek counsel from trusted allies or professionals.

The aftermath of involvement with a narcissist is laden with hurdles, including the danger of further exploitation by those who view vulnerability as an exploitable weakness. By comprehending the underlying dynamics and adopting proactive protective strategies, victims can tread the road to recovery with increased security and self-assurance. Remember, genuine support is never conditional nor should it come at the cost of your emotional well-being.

#NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #StopEmotionalExploitation #FinancialIndependence #SupportNetworks #SelfCareJourney #ProtectYourPeace #RecogniseManipulation #HealingPath

 

Unlocking Life’s Playbook. Embracing the Wisdom in Every Lesson 🚀

Last week, I had an epiphany that changed the way I approach pitching ideas.

As I strolled along Elizabeth Street in Sydney, I noticed a guy talking animatedly  on his mobile carrying a backpack loaded with four pieces of wood. The backpack seemed on the verge of spilling its contents and I was immediately concerned that if it did some-one could get hurt. Waiting at the traffic lights, I intended to tap him on the shoulder and advise him to secure his backpack before some-one got hurt.

Two other young guys at the lights beat me to it. They turned to the guy, still engrossed in his phone call, and casually told him, “Hey mate, you’re gonna lose your wood.” Surprisingly (😊to me), he didn’t hang up but asked them to zip up the backpack. The crucial lesson was clear: to get someone to act, the pitch must resonate with them, not just to others.

I then asked a marketing guru about an image I could use to enhance the point. They suggested an image of two friends casually helping someone zip up a backpack filled with four pieces of wood, all while the person on the phone remains engaged in the conversation? This visual emphasises the idea that the assistance is seamlessly integrated into the person’s ongoing activity, making the pitch about the person being helped rather than the helpers or the onlookers. It captures the essence of making it matter to them in a relatable and non-intrusive manner.

It made me see how if I wanted to successfully pitch I needed to rethink how I think

A few lessons learnt here:

🤔It’s always valuable to reassess our perspectives, especially when it comes to communication and influence.

🤔Recognising the importance of framing your message in a way that resonates with the listener can be a game changer.

#LifeLessons #TuesdayTakeaways #LearnAndGrow #DailyInsight #MindsetMatters #GrowthMindset #WordsOfWisdom #LifeSkills  #ReflectAndGrow #LessonsLearned #PerspectiveShift #SelfDiscovery #LifeWisdom #ExperienceTeaches

Successfully pitching – do you need to rethink the way you think?

 

 

Don’t leave it too late to follow your dreams

My recent decluttering on my house unearthed a number of things I had forgotten about.

One thing that caused great reflection, was a series of house plans, one for the 1st acre block we purchased in Jamberoo for the princely sum of $16,000 when I first got married. An acre block that would be worth millions now. Other plans were for houses I never got to build either.

Regrets I have had a few.

The dream – that could have been

We sold that acre block to fund our first foray into farming. I wasn’t happy but that’s what women who are bought up in the patriarchal world of farming did in those days.

I did buy houses, for other people to live in. I even bought a house for my sister. The others became investment properties that we later sold to fund farming expansions and even the purchase of two farms that both got sold to fund the expansion of our milk business so it would support our son to join the business.

I found this picture of the Lotus my brother built. My father ( fully supported by our mother) insisted that me and my sister help fund the purchase of the car kit. Its seemed a perfectly logical request to him – after all that’s what farm women do.

We don’t inherit farms, we fund the dreams of men apparently.

It took me a long time to change that mindset and I am so glad I have ( it was a big shock to my family)

In 2012 an opportunity arose to decide what dream I could fund for me and I took it.

Now its time for new directions and I am very excited.

Are you making the same mistakes as me – are you funding others people dreams.  If so, this post is a request from me to not leave it too late to follow your dreams

 

People have very long memories

My experience with Dairy Australia happened a long time ago. 

Why am I talking about it now.

Its because I am not a one off. I am one of a possible class action  of many, many undervalued people who have passed through their doors.

This was hammered home to me recently. I was part of a team who put together a successful National Careers Institute Grant Round 3.

A model that had the potential to turn agriculture on it head and genuinely empower the sector to drive real profitability for its farmers.

When we launched the campaign to sign up the changemakers, I found roadblocks within my circle of dairy influencers

“You are kidding me Lynne – there is no way in the world I am going to promote something that will make Dairy Australia look good when they have nothing to do with its success”

It was then I knew we needed a serious culture change. The culture at Dairy Australia isn’t a one off.    Not enough of  our research and development corporations are not fit for purpose

How do fix this?

 

Agriculture solving two of its biggest challenges together – greater adoption of precision agriculture and gender balance

In August last year following a number of conversations I wrote my first post announcing the launch of the Wise Women Project that would bring together big picture thinkers to support women and their allies to solve some of agriculture’s biggest challenges.

In the first instance we see an exciting opportunity to reframe gender balance as one of the century’s most obvious business opportunities. But first we have to acknowledge, understand and maximize the complementary differences between men and women. The challenge here is not to treat everyone equally and the same, but to treat everyone equally and different, with a deep understanding of what those differences are.

We need to look at the blueprints of our workplaces, to understand how the policies, processes, structures, employee behaviours, leaders, and culture in our workplaces can value women and their contributions

We started looking at ways we could tap into that as yet great untapped resource in agriculture – women

Women comprise 32% of workers in agriculture (ABARES, 2021). Women are 51% of the Australian population and bring valuable skills to a workforce, such as building empathetic innovation driven systems and early adoption of technology.

And we took on this challenge

And I know that a lot of people who have done the hard yards on this are going to be very excited to learn we are going to get a chance to see if we can make it happen

Watch this space

FYI

Books I am reading and referencing

  • Brandsplaining by Jane Cunningham and Philippa Roberts
  • The Fix by Michelle King
  • Seven Steps to Leading a Gender-Balanced Business by Avivah Wittenberg-Cox

 

Of all the sectors looking for workers agriculture is the only one that gets its own subject in the school curriculum. How cool is that. 

Job vacancies rose 18.5 per cent to hit a record of 396,100 in the three months to November 30 as employers embarked on a hiring spree at the end of the delta lockdowns in NSW, Victoria and the ACT, the Australian Bureau of Statistics reported.

How is agriculture ensuring we are front of mind when young people make career choices?

How are we helping young people explore and connect with our sector.?

How are we supporting them to thrive when they get there?

At Action4Agriculture we have created an Action4Youth Workforce Strategy and Roadmap. It looks like this.

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Forever grateful to Professor Felicity Blackstock for helping us create our Action4Youth model

We have also identified there are numerous pain points on the journey that need addressing by the agriculture sector and the education system

There are a number of exciting people and organisations working in this space

One of those is  Scott Graham the current winner of the Prime Minister’s Prize for Secondary School Science Teachers

Scott is head of agriculture at Barker College. He is undertaking a PhD under the supervision of Emeritus Professor Jim Pratley et al

Last Monday I was one of 21 people who had the opportunity to listen to Scott’s HDR endorsement

This was a new opportunity for me and what I learnt gave me a lot to ruminate on

It reminded me to celebrate the advantages we have in the world of agriculture

There is a huge labour shortage out there “Employers wanted 400,000 workers before omicron hit”

And of all the sectors looking for workers agriculture is the only one that gets its own subject in the school curriculum. How cool is that. 

What Scott’s PhD is looking at is how do to we encourage more urban students to select agriculture as a subject with the ultimate aim they choose agricultural career pathways. Scott is ideally placed to research and report on this as he and Barker College have done a phenomenal job of the former and are keeping a close eye on the later

Barker College appears to be well and truly bucking the trend

Scott has identified the issues. Here is a few of them

At Action4Agriculture  we are complementing the work Scott is doing by tailoring our school programs to teachers and students NOT teaching/studying agriculture.  We are using similar principles to Scott and Barker College

Our programs are student-centred, individualised, contextual and culturally sensitive.

They involve key influencers, are accessible to all, can be targeted at specific groups when required and all evaluated for their effectiveness.

Students are mentored by our Young Farming Champions young people working in agriculture who are debunking stereotypes

  • Agriculture is not all Akubra’s and moleskins or mud and flies
  • 80% of jobs are off farm, 40% are in cities

Our Young Farming Champions represent the diversity of people in the agriculture sector. Students can see they are young people like them – they can be confident that they will fit in- that agriculture is a place where you feel identity safe.

What a great time to be on this journey with Scott with his research complementing our two year project with UNSW uni students working with BCG 

#action4youth #AGSTEMcareers

Agriculture and the “Leaders are Born Mindset” – why has it become part of our identity?

Its been a week of getting my confidence back by stepping up and saying yes to podcasts and interviews

Tonight I get to share my thoughts on leadership

Here is my leadership thought dump of other people’s ideas that resonate with me

Leadership is a process of influence to drive change

We can’t do it alone and we can do it in silos

We must join forces, share resources, skills, knowledge and experiences. Source Julie McAlpin RDA Sydney

I workshopped below with a number of bright minds who came to agriculture from the world beyond and put their toes in the water and went wow the disruptors are very brave people

Agriculture tends to have a “Leaders are Born Mindset”

This has been driven by agriculture’s traditional patriarchal culture where the first born son inherits the farm. This concept has been perpetuated for centuries.

It is a very deep-seated generational identity culture.

In this country women were not allowed to call themselves farmers in the census until 1994

In a sector where you are rewarded for learning to fit in and NOT challenge the status quo we are asking people to re-identify who we are as an industry and as people

Asking people to embrace the concept of “Leaders are Made” will be frightening for a lot of people

This has led to our traditional leadership programs being one off events with no clear pathway of what could be next

These programs are seen as “vehicles” to expose the “born leaders” and position them to fulfil their birth destiny.

and now to the work of the team from The Practice of Adaptive Leadership – Harvard Kennedy School 

How glorious is this concept

Leadership is an experimental art. We are all at the frontier.

Think of your life as a leadership laboratory. In that laboratory, you are continuously facing opportunities for learning how to be more effective in living a meaningful existence, and for making more progress on life’s deepest purposes and leading meaningful change.

Seeing life as a leadership lab enables you to try things out, make mistakes, strengthen your skills, and take pleasure in the journey as well as the fruits of your labour.

This from conversations with our wonderful Young Farming Champions

There is no one size fits all

Young people are doing it differently, the business model has changed

We don’t want to be part of “Old codgers organisations”

We want to ensure young people have a seat at the table

We want to ensure their voices are heard and valued

We can be shapers of “what might we be together”

Back to the brains trust that is the Adaptive Leadership team

The tools and tactics for leading adaptive change should be treated, we believe, in the same spirit as open source technology, made broadly available, so that people who lead adaptive change can learn from each other and improve their skills, and all of us improve our insights into practice.

Leadership for change demands inspiration and perspiration.

We present tools and tactics to lead and stay alive, to build up a sweat by inspiring others, to mobilize people to tackle tough problems while reaching high.

Our work begins with the assumption that there is no reason to exercise leadership, to have a courageous conversation with a boss or a spouse, for example, or to take a risk on a new idea, unless you care about something deeply. What outcome would make the effort and the risk worthwhile?

Trying to create something better from the current reality.

Growing tomorrow’s leaders today moving from reactive to future focused leadership

The practice of leadership, like the practice of medicine, involves two core processes:

  • diagnosis first and then
  • action.

 And those two processes unfold in two dimensions: toward the organizational or social system you are operating in and toward yourself. That is, you diagnose what is happening in your organization or community and take action to address the problems you have identified.

But to lead effectively, you also have to examine and take action toward yourself in the context of the challenge. In the midst of action, you have to be able to reflect on your own attitudes and behaviour to better calibrate your interventions into the complex dynamics of organizations and communities.

You need perspective on yourself as well as on the systemic context in which you operate. The process of diagnosis and action begins with data collection and problem identification (the what), moves through an interpretive stage (the why) and on to potential approaches to action as a series of interventions into the organization, community, or society (the what next).

Typically, the problem-solving process is iterative, moving back and forth among data collection, interpretation, and action.

Adaptive challenges can only be addressed through changes in people’s priorities, beliefs, habits, and loyalties.

Making progress requires going beyond any authoritative expertise to mobilize discovery, shedding entrenched ways, learning from mistakes, and generating the new capacity to thrive anew.

Just love people who wake up everyday to help us create a better world 

 

Advocacy at its worst – when agriculture chooses the divide and conquer route to market

When I got my latest email from the Australian Farm Institute this week  advertising their upcoming conference I couldn’t take it anymore and hit the unsubscribe  button

Our agri-politicans are a great example of how broken our political system is. Like our federal politicians they tend to follow the Allan Jones model and appeal to the prejudices of the masses

“The argumentum ad populum used in democratic political rhetoric can make political argumentation appear to be reason-based when it is not and subvert and undermine reason-based deliberation in democratic political argumentation.”(Douglas Walton, “Criteria of Rationality for Evaluating Democratic Public Rhetoric,” Talking Democracy, ed. by B. Fontana et al. Penn State, 2004)

Its the “them and us” model where farmers are pitched as victims,  and our state farming organisations are our white knights.

As an example when Agforce deleted their data  and lost their credibility in government they decided a roadshow with Peter Ridd was their advocacy model

Its too easy and so lazy to choose to pander to audiences by telling them what you think they want to hear.

This is not advocacy, this divide and conquer and it makes me cringe. Its time to rethink what advocacy looks like because Australian agriculture has some very serious human rights issues we should have addressed a long time ago.

We do have a choice

We can all work together and build a better world or we can focus on bettering our world

Who would you put on the podium if you wanted to hear from people who do advocacy well?

Beside the three very courageous women in the video above some names that come to mind for me

Cows Milk without cows. The birthplace of the Australian dairy industry is stepping up to answer the big questions.

The birthplace of the Australian dairy industry is stepping up to answer the big questions.

What will our rolling green hills look like in 50 years time if cellular agriculture means we can have all the nutrition cows’ milk provides without the cows ?


What will the view from my front verandah look like without the cows?

As a sixth generation dairy farmer this concept seems so far fetched but then so did the smart phone twenty years ago

We have a new council. They plan to make protection of rural lands a pillar. But what are we protecting the land from?

Is the science going to decide for us or are the property developers with deep pockets?

Where does the native flora and fauna fit into all of this?

We have an amazing opportunity to have our voices heard as part of the community consultation process for the new Local Environmental Plan.

I look forward to hearing the community’s hopes and dreams for the future

And what of our dairy farmers and the cows. What does Just Transition look like?

Me – I feel so passionately about Sam Archer’s vision I nominated hm for the 2014 Bob Hawke Landcare Award. Sam was runner up and like me retired from farming. Does that allow us to have the best of both worlds – inside and outside perspectives?