You Don’t Have to Be Angry to Be Brave

This blog is a follow up to an earlier blog “When Advocacy Turns Dangerous: The Moment You Can’t Stay Silent”

Are you like me, someone who wants to speak up when you see or hear something unjust, but sometimes hesitates because you don’t want to make things worse, or make someone feel small?

That hesitation comes from care. Most of us don’t want to hurt people; we want to make things better. But we were never taught how. We were taught to keep the peace, not to have hard conversations with grace.

I recently watched Sarah Crawford-Bohl’s TED Talk How to Speak Up — Even When You Don’t Want To.

 She shows that courage and kindness can live in the same sentence. You can hold your ground without pushing someone else off theirs.

The Four Phrases That Can Change Any Difficult Conversation

It doesn’t take a big speech. Sometimes it’s the smallest phrases that shift the whole tone of a conversation:

  • Instead of “With respect…”, try “I see it differently.”

  • Instead of “That’s wrong.”, try “Can we look at that another way?”

  • Instead of “You can’t say that.”, try “That might land differently for some people.”

  • Instead of silence, try “I’m not sure that sits right with me.”

These simple swaps are powerful. They keep people in the conversation rather than shutting it down.

Why Teaching Kids How to Speak Up Might Be the Most Important Lesson of All

Even after years of negotiation training, I still catch myself slipping into an overly forceful tone when something matters to me. It’s hard to unlearn. But that’s exactly why this work matters, because if we can teach young people how to use their voices with strength and empathy, maybe they won’t have to spend years unlearning the habits we did.

It’s the same truth behind that short film Justice,  the moment when a teacher unfairly dismisses a student and everyone stays silent

and the playful How to Start a Movement clip, where the brave first follower turns one person’s awkward dance into a movement.

In both, the real change begins when someone chooses courage over comfort.

Speaking up doesn’t have to make anyone feel small. Done with care, it can make everyone in the room a little braver.

#SpeakUpKindly #EverydayActivism #CivicCourage #RespectfulCommunication #LeadershipStartsHere #EmpathyInAction #TeachThemYoung #ChangeTheConversation #FirstFollower #KindnessIsStrength

Housing, Homelessness and the Courage to Lead. Dr Tonia Gray on the Kiama By-Election

Tonia Gray has built a career on connecting people to place. As an educator, advocate, and environmentalist, she has spent decades exploring how communities can thrive when social justice, environmental stewardship, and public policy work together.

Now, as the Greens candidate for the Kiama by-election, Tonia is bringing that same interconnected approach to housing and homelessness. She sees secure, affordable housing not as a stand-alone issue, but as part of a bigger picture that includes climate resilience, community wellbeing, and responsible land use.

Kiama’s current “hidden homelessness” approach means that residents in crisis are often relocated to Wollongong or Bomaderry, placing extra strain on those already experiencing hardship. For Tonia, this raises questions not just about service access, but about the values and priorities shaping local policy.

In this interview, we explore how the Greens would address the housing crisis in ways that integrate affordability, environmental protection, and human dignity and how Tonia believes those principles can be applied in Kiama.

Housing, Homelessness and the Courage to Lead: Dr Tonia Gray on the Kiama By-Election ——

When Dr Tonia Gray talks about housing and homelessness, it comes from lived experience as much as professional expertise. Sitting beside her mother Jeanette at Blue Haven aged care, she reminds us that how we treat our elderly is a true measure of society.

“We want safety, we want care, we want dignity. Isn’t that the least any society should provide?”

For Gray, the Greens candidate in the Kiama by-election, the challenge is not a lack of empty promises, but a failure of execution. Both major parties have let us down in the delivery phase.

“Politicians make all these wonderful promises… but they are not executed, or they’re done so poorly. The execution is what matters. Promises don’t change lives, action does.”

She argues for embedding affordable housing in existing suburbs, not pushing people to the margins. Safe, affordable homes keep people connected to their communities and make those communities safer and more inclusive. Her vision includes banning short-term rental accommodation (STRA) in new developments, so housing is prioritised for essential workers, exploring intergenerational and village-style models that draw on overseas examples, and embedding design principles such as passive solar, water tanks and walkable neighbourhoods into all subdivisions.

“It’s not what you say, it’s what you deliver. People need homes they can actually live in, not just more empty promises.”

Gray stresses that only around six percent of Australia’s 120,000 homeless people are rough sleepers. The majority are hidden, often couch surfing, in overcrowded dwellings or in temporary lodging. In Kiama, rough sleepers are quietly moved on under the radar, from the museum verandah, the showgrounds or camper vans near a church, making the issue less visible but no less real.

The film Frances, screened in Kiama earlier this year, laid bare this reality. It showed how easily a woman who had once lived securely could end up in her car, too proud to ask for help, terrified at night, and clinging to her dog as her last sense of safety. The panel after the screening reminded us that homelessness is often not the result of bad choices or bad people. It can be bad luck, or a sliding door moment in your life, combined with the absence of safety nets. Job loss, illness, divorce, or the death of a partner is sometimes enough to tip someone over the edge.

Older women are the fastest growing group at risk, particularly those leaving relationships they can no longer afford to stay in. Lyn Bailey, who shared her story on the panel, described going from a comfortable family home to the long grind of insecure housing after divorce at 58. She discovered banks would not lend to her because of her age and gender, and the waitlist for social housing was a decade long. Friends were shocked. They were oblivious to the fact that she had been in crisis. Her story mirrors many others, silent struggles hidden in plain sight.

Gray wants to see practical, community-based responses. She points to the Blue Mountains model where households take turns offering short-term refuge and suggests Kiama could do the same. But she warns that homelessness cannot be solved on yearly funding cycles. “To have a sustainable platform, services need five-year contracts that go beyond election cycles. Promises are easy for our vulnerable populations, but execution and delivery are everything.”

For Gray the issue comes down to political willpower. Developer contributions could be used to fund affordable housing, but councils rarely engage the public in how those funds are spent. Strategic sites like Bombo Quarry or Havilah Place could provide innovative housing solutions if multiple stakeholders were brought together instead of pushed apart.

“Real visionary leadership means making bold choices, even when they are unpopular. It means capping short-term rentals, setting quotas for affordable housing, and facing up to the uncomfortable truth that homelessness exists here in our postcode, not somewhere else. Stop promising and start delivering.”

She adds that this is not only about compassion but economics. Poorly executed housing policy costs ratepayers twice, once when it fails and again when the problem returns larger than before.

Every dollar spent on preventative housing and aged care saves multiple dollars later in health, policing and emergency services. Housing also underpins the local economy. When essential workers cannot afford to live locally, three things happen. Staff shortages make it harder for hospitals, aged-care, schools, and essential services to fill shifts, often leading to higher costs for overtime or casual staff.

Reduced reliability means longer commutes and slower response times in emergencies, whether it is a paramedic or a plumber. And a weaker local economy results when workers spend their wages in the towns where they live rather than in the communities where they work.

Liveability, active transport and walkability are also part of her vision. Walkable communities reduce household transport costs, ease congestion, and keep rates lower by cutting infrastructure strain. They lift local business activity and consistently boost property values.

“When we design villages where people can walk to shops, schools, parks and services, we do more than make life easier. We save households money, strengthen the economy and protect the environment at the same time.”

There are successful models already working. Link Wentworth runs monthly Community Support Hubs in the Blue Mountains, Hawkesbury, Penrith and Ryde. These “one-stop support shops” bring together free services to make it easier for people to know what is available and how to access it. The hubs have seen fantastic outcomes and helped countless people.

Whether talking about her mother’s care at Blue Haven, the stories told in Frances, or the hidden struggles of women after divorce, Gray circles back to the same principle: dignity. For her, it is the marker of the society we want to be.

The Kiama by-election is about more than who fills a seat. It is about whether we have leaders willing to listen, act and deliver, and whether we can find the courage to face what we would rather not see. The Greens have actively been championing for housing and homeless reform for decades.  For more information, visit here 

Dr Tonia Gray emphasises that The Greens have long championed housing and homelessness reform. She points to the party’s 50-point plan and policies as the foundation of their costed election platform and ongoing work in parliament and community.

Dr Tonia Gray (Left) also joins the SAHSSI30 White Sands Walk each year, a community walk along the beautiful Jervis Bay coastline that raises funds for domestic violence survivors in the Shoalhaven and local women staying in crisis accommodation.

It is a grassroots, community-driven event that has grown out of a desire to make positive change for women and children in the region. With hundreds of participants, the walk has already raised nearly $100,000 for SAHSSI Nowra Women’s Refuge, keeping the focus on the urgent issues of gender-based violence and homelessness in the local area.

The funds raised by SAHSSI30 have given families living on or below the poverty line access to activities and experiences they would not otherwise have had. Dr Gray warmly invites the community to support this important cause and donate to SAHSSI here.

#KiamaByElection #ToniaGray #HousingCrisis #HiddenHomelessness #AffordableHousing #EssentialWorkers #CommunityCare #BlueHaven #WalkableCommunities #LocalEconomy

 

Frances Screening in Kiama Reveals Shocking Truth About Hidden Homelessness

Standing Room only at the screening of Frances 

The screening of Frances at Kiama Leagues Club on Thursday 7 August, held as part of Homelessness Week, drew a capacity crowd. The venue was packed with standing room only. You could hear the gasps from the audience as Frances’ story unfolded, revealing how quickly and quietly someone’s life can unravel into homelessness.

The event raised $1,670 in donations, which will go to SAHSSI for the provision of essentials to older women in the Kiama area who are fleeing abusive relationships or are at risk of homelessness for any reason.

The film and the inspiration

Bernie Hems from Kiama Community Radio interviewed lead actor Juliet Scrine and filmmaker Sharon Lewis 

Sharon Lewis, the filmmaker, was inspired to create Frances after  witnessing women sleeping in their cars in coastal areas of the Illawarra. The film’s central character, Frances, finds herself with no roof over her head and sleeping in her car with her beloved dog.

This resonated deeply with audience members, many of whom were previously unaware of how often homelessness is invisible. Women may be staying temporarily with friends or relatives, in crisis housing or in hostel accommodation. These situations rarely show up in rough sleeper counts.

The panel

The second panel brought the reality home.

  • Lyn Bailey gave a heartfelt account of her housing insecurity following her divorce. She described feelings of shame and guilt, emotions that are not uncommon among older women who have worked hard for decades, lived in stable family homes and suddenly lose everything. Bernie Hems from Kiama Community Radio will be interviewing Lyn on Tuesday morning 19 August

  • Yumi Lee, CEO of the Older Women’s Network NSW, explained that the principal cause of homelessness for older women is the lack of affordable rental properties, compounded by decades of declining investment in social housing by successive governments. She called for policy change at all levels of government and noted that current tax laws encourage investors to treat housing as a vehicle for wealth accumulation rather than a universal right.

  • Penny Dordoy, CEO of SAHSSI, outlined the lack of crisis and transitional housing locally, the long waiting lists and the difficulty older women face accessing services. Bernie Hems from Kiama Community Radio will be interviewing Penny  Tuesday morning 26 August

What we do not know

An audience member asked if we know how many homeless women there are in the Kiama area. The answer is no. This lack of data is a big reason why there are limited women’s homelessness services in the LGA. For example, there is no women’s refuge in Kiama.

Local collaboration

South Illawarra Older Women’s Network, Kiama Community Radio (KCR) and SAHSSI want to better understand the scale of the problem. They are inviting people to join a local initiative to amplify the voices of older women facing housing insecurity. Real stories are being collected from women in our community, and anyone with a story or who can help someone share theirs is encouraged to contact southillawarra@ownnsw.org.au.

This work is part of a collective effort under the banner of Secure Housing for Older Women (SHOW), a group of community organisations, not-for-profits and concerned residents. SHOW’s achievements so far include working with Council to create a homelessness services information page on the Kiama Council website: Kiama Council – Homelessness.

A church-based charity, Homestead of Hope, also operates locally. It relies on parishioner donations to pay for food, clothing and emergency accommodation for those in need: Homestead of Hope.

What is next

This event and discussion mark the beginning of a series of blogs  that I will be writing to raise awareness, highlight local realities and recommend practical actions to address homelessness in Kiama.

We all have a role to play in ensuring that no one in Kiama is left without a safe place to call home.

#Kiama #KiamaCommunity #HiddenHomelessness #OlderWomenAtRisk #HousingCrisis #SocialHousing #AffordableHousing #SecureHousing #NoOneLeftBehind #CommunityAction

This Threat Can Destroy a Nation – And It Starts in Your Head

When enough people believe a dangerous idea, it can do more damage than any earthquake, flood, or fire.”Carl Jung once said:

“It is becoming more and more obvious that it is not starvation, not microbes, not cancer, but man himself who is mankind’s greatest danger, for the simple reason that there is no adequate protection against psychic epidemics, which are infinitely more devastating than the worst of natural catastrophes.”

What he meant is simple but unsettling: our biggest threat doesn’t come from outside forces like famine or disease,  it comes from inside our own minds.

What’s a “psychic epidemic”?

Jung was talking about what happens when destructive ideas or emotions spread through a community or a nation. Think of it as mass hysteria, but on a much bigger scale. People start feeding off each other’s fear, anger, or prejudice until it snowballs into something far more dangerous than any one person could cause on their own.

History is full of examples: witch hunts, Nazi Germany, the Rwandan genocide. These didn’t happen because of earthquakes or floods, they happened because people’s minds got caught up in a destructive collective belief.

Why it’s worse than a natural disaster

If we face a flood, a fire, or a disease outbreak, we can often rebuild, treat, or protect against it. A psychic epidemic is different. There’s no vaccine. Once it takes hold, it can destroy trust, compassion, and reason. And unlike a virus, it can keep spreading long after the first outbreak.

The scars it leaves, mistrust, division, hatred, can last for generations.

“The most dangerous outbreaks don’t start in nature — they start in our own minds.”

The modern outbreak

Today, the tools that connect us can also spread dangerous ideas faster than ever. Social media algorithms push us toward outrage. Misinformation circulates in hours, not months. Conspiracy theories grow into movements.

We’ve built a world where ideas, good or bad, can go viral. And once they do, they can be hard to stop.

How we protect ourselves

We can’t put up a quarantine zone around human thought. But we can:

  • Slow down before we share or react.

  • Listen to different viewpoints, especially ones we don’t already agree with.

  • Teach and practise critical thinking.

  • Value respectful debate over point-scoring.

None of this is easy. But if Jung was right, then protecting ourselves from collective madness might be the most important public health measure we have.

Because the real danger isn’t just in the storms nature throws at us, it’s in what happens when our minds become the storm.

#DangerousIdeas #CollectiveThinking #MassPsychology #CarlJung #PsychicEpidemics #MindsMatter #CriticalThinking #TruthMatters #SocialAwareness #MindsetShift

Why I Wanted to Learn the Hard Truth About Gaza – And Why I’m Sharing It

I’ll be honest: I didn’t know the full story.

Like many people, I grew up hearing bits and pieces about the Israel -Palestine conflict, but never enough to understand how Gaza and the West Bank came to be divided, why Palestine isn’t recognised as a state, or how Israel became one of the most powerful military forces in the world.

And I certainly didn’t feel equipped to ask the big question that’s been gnawing at me lately:


How can a government formed in the shadow of the Holocaust be responsible for what looks, to so many, like mass suffering on that same scale?

So I started reading. Asking. Listening. And here’s what I’ve learned  as someone who’s been trying to catch up.

Gaza and the West Bank: Why They’re So Far Apart

Once, it was all one place – Palestine under British rule. But in 1948, after war broke out following the creation of the State of Israel, the land was divided up by who won and who lost.

  • Egypt took Gaza.

  • Jordan took the West Bank.

  • Israel took the middle – and everything in between.

That’s how Palestinians ended up geographically and politically separated. No corridor. No unifying government. Just a people divided by decisions they had no say in.

Why the World Hasn’t Just “Given” Palestine Statehood

Because politics doesn’t reward fairness.
Palestinians have land, a population, a flag, and a national identity but not enough international recognition.

Western countries like Australia, the UK, and the US still don’t officially recognise Palestine, largely because:

  • They don’t want to upset strategic ties with Israel

  • They say there’s no “unified Palestinian leadership”

  • And they insist statehood must come through negotiations even though negotiations have led nowhere.

Why Israel Is So Militarily Powerful

Because it’s not just defending itself, it’s strategically useful to Western powers.

  • It gets billions in annual military aid from the US

  • It has a top-tier weapons and intelligence industry

  • It has mandatory military service

  • And most importantly, it’s seen as the West’s stable, democratic ally in a region full of instability

In other words: Israel is protected, armed, and rarely held to account – no matter the cost.

And What About Now? The Justification for Gaza?

The Netanyahu government says it’s targeting Hamas, not civilians. That it’s acting in self-defence. That reports of mass suffering are propaganda.

But when tens of thousands of children are dead, whole neighbourhoods are flattened, and aid trucks are blocked, it’s hard not to see this as something else.

Critics, including Jewish scholars and Holocaust survivors, are asking:
How can a country shaped by genocide justify collective punishment of another people?

It’s not about comparing tragedies. It’s about recognising when one tragedy is being used to shield another from scrutiny.

So Why This Blog Post?

Because I wish I’d known this sooner.
Because too many people feel embarrassed to admit they don’t know the history, or afraid to ask the wrong question.
Because if you’re feeling what I felt, overwhelmed, unsure, angry, and heartbroken,  you’re not alone.

And because I don’t believe we can claim to care about justice and human dignity if we only do it when it’s convenient.

If you’re just beginning to learn, you’re in the right place.

And if you’re sick of spin, labels, and empty political slogans, I hope this gives you something more grounded to stand on.

We don’t have to be experts to care. We just have to stop looking away.

Suggested Resource for Young People

If you’re looking for a clear, thoughtful explanation designed for younger people, this guide from UNICEF Australia is a great place to start:

🔗 UNICEF – Making Sense of the Israel–Palestine Crisis


It breaks down what’s happening in a way that’s respectful, fact-based, and easy to understand,  especially for those who are just beginning to learn about global issues and want to respond with empathy and awareness.

Further Reading

The truth behind Sydney’s massive pro-Palestine march

#Gaza #IsraelPalestine #HumanRights #StopTheViolence
#LearnTheHistory #PeaceMatters #ProtestForHumanity
#FreePalestine #JusticeForAll #UNICEFYouth
#NoMoreSilence #HistoryMatters #WeNeedToTalk
#CrisisExplained #KidsDeserveTruth