Turns Out You Can Teach a Boomer New Tricks

Stop, get curious, then comment. It’s advice I give often, and in 2016 I ignored it.

This week a comment exchange from 2016 resurfaced on my blog. A farmer had read my post on native vegetation laws and came away certain I’d called farmers backwards and careless. The post called farmers custodians and praised Landcare as the best practice model. It also argued that farmers, like everyone else, need rules. We wear seatbelts and license our dogs because humans are poor at regulating themselves, and farmers are human too. She read it as an attack on farmers.

Instead of getting curious about what she’d heard, I defended myself. I sent her links to my awards, asked if she’d read the Further Reading, and told her to step back and remove the emotion. She came back angrier. Reading it now, I can see what upset her.

Years of leadership training have taught me to pause and ask for advice before I hit reply. Today I’d ring Charlie Arnot from The Center for Food Integrity and ask him how to show her we’re on the same side. His research shows shared values count three to five times more than facts in building trust. So I listen and ask better questions. I start by being curious, and I might learn something. She taught me there’s more than one way to say what I mean. Ten years later, I’m writing this post because I listened.

Yale researcher Dan Kahan has studied how identity shapes the way people read. My family has farmed here since 1831, so I understand why a post about farming practice can feel like a post about your family. Farmers are like everyone else in this. We all read through our own lives, and I suspect that explains a lot of the conflict on Facebook.

That’s what makes her comment so valuable. A like is easy. A conversation requires someone to put their thoughts into words, risk being misunderstood and perhaps have their thinking challenged. She took that risk, and I learned from it. Social media makes it so easy to register agreement without ever exploring why we agree. I wonder whether we’re becoming more comfortable expressing opinions and less comfortable discussing them.

Plenty of you are working on this too. How to Express Your Opinions Respectfully is one of the most read posts on my blog, and I updated it this month with what I’ve learned since.

Yesterday I got the chance to use it. A Facebook friend messaged me about my post on the Coalition’s spending cuts and wanted to know why I was singling out boomers. These days I know how to reply. I told him I’m a boomer too, and that plenty of us are doing it tough. Then I explained what the post was about and finished with: I suspect we actually agree that governments need to think much more carefully about where public money goes.

He wrote back within the hour. Thanks for your answer and clarification.

Different people see the same words through different lives. Now I know to get curious about theirs before I reply.

 

Social media gives us a choice between curiosity and cruelty

 

We do not have to solve world peace to start practising it

Yesterday, I put a post on our community Facebook page for a friend who had to find a new home for her little dog, Teddy.

She asked me to post it because she was petrified people would abuse her. That fear tells us something about social media before the comments even begin.

The truth was more complicated and it was also private. My friend had waited nine months to find accommodation. When they finally found somewhere to live, their circumstances meant she could not take Teddy with them. The landlord had not refused him. They were not looking for an excuse to give him away. They were making a painful decision after running out of other options.

We cannot ask children to practise peace if we do not model it

None of that was in the Facebook post because nobody should have to publish the details of their private life to avoid being abused by strangers. People could have asked a question before deciding they knew the story.

Some did. They wanted information that could help Teddy find the right family:

  • Is Teddy comfortable with children?
  • Does he get along with other animals?
  • Is he house trained?
  • Is he leash trained?
  • Is the yard fenced?
  • Can a prospective family meet Teddy and his owner?
  • Would a rescue organisation be able to help with the process?

One family said they were looking to adopt a dog and would like to meet him. Another person offered information about rescue organisations. Others tagged people who might be interested.

These comments moved the conversation forward. They gathered information, offered practical help and kept the focus on finding the right home for Teddy.

Then came the assumptions:

  • The landlord cannot refuse a pet.
  • The owner does not understand the rental laws.
  • This must be an excuse to get rid of the dog.
  • The owner should have found somewhere that accepted Teddy.
  • I could not legally rehome somebody else’s dog.

The landlord had not refused Teddy. My friend was not asking me to rehome him. I had posted on their behalf because I belonged to the Facebook group and I cared enough about them and Teddy to cop any abuse. It was also a chance to prove my community was compassionate.

People had created an entire story from information they did not have.

The cruellest comment suggested my friend was using her rental accommodation as an excuse to get rid of a beautiful dog. That person knew nothing about her circumstances, how long she had waited for accommodation or the decisions she had faced. She filled every gap with the worst possible explanation.

A few days earlier, I had spent 95 minutes with almost 100 young people at the Cowra World Peace Day Youth Forum. We practised curiosity, creativity, collaboration and communication.

I showed them a picture of a cat, a mouse and a flea. Each saw the same situation differently. The cat, the mouse and the flea had different information, different concerns and a different view of what was happening.

Then they met Pickles. The students could not discover Pickles’ story by guessing. They had to ask questions, listen to the answers and use each answer to decide what to ask next.

I also showed them someone pushing into a tuckshop line. At first, the person looked rude and entitled. Then the students learned she was collecting a first-aid kit for someone who had been injured.

The picture had not changed. The information had.

The Facebook discussion about Teddy became the same lesson played out among adults.

Some people saw a gap in the information and asked a question. Others saw the same gap and inserted an accusation.

The people who asked questions helped. They learned more about Teddy, offered advice, found possible families and identified safer ways to manage the adoption. The people who made assumptions added distress to someone already going through a painful time.

Every conversation is a chance to practise peace

Curiosity would not have required a long conversation. One question could have changed everything:

“Can you tell us more about the circumstances?”

That question leaves room for an answer. An accusation closes the door before the person has spoken.

I keep wondering what those young people in Cowra will do the next time they see something that looks wrong. Will they decide they already know the whole story? Or will they remember the cat, the mouse and the flea, Pickles and the person pushing into the tuckshop line?

Will they ask another question before they judge?

After reading the comments about Teddy, I hope they do.

Every insult aimed at One Nation is an own goal

Bogan. Cooker. Racist. Woke. Lefty. Latte sipper.

We throw these words around as though they explain people. Mostly, they put people in a box and give us permission to stop listening.

The words change depending on who is speaking.

We may believe these words make our case. They usually do the opposite.

I saw that when I spent five days handing out how-to-vote cards for the Community Independent candidate in Farrer. For much of that time, I stood beside the One Nation volunteers.

We talked, shared pastries and took turns doing the coffee run. I learnt their names and heard about their families, farms and communities.

I asked what had led them to One Nation. They talked about water, hospitals, services disappearing and decisions being made in cities by people who would never live with the results. Many had voted for the Coalition for decades and felt the party had stopped listening.

One Nation gave that disappointment somewhere to go. These people were talking about water buybacks, hospital visits and children leaving town. They were neither stupid nor aggressive. They had reasons for voting as they did.

One Nation tells people that educated elites look down on them. Call its voters stupid, backward or racist and you have helped One Nation prove its point.

It works both ways. Question a One Nation policy and you may be called woke before you have finished the sentence. Apparently, even a seventy-year-old dairy farmer can become an inner-city latte sipper without leaving the farm.

Once we put someone in a box, we stop being curious. We stop asking what happened, what changed and what might change again.

Labels end conversations. Questions start them.

If we want people to reconsider what they believe, insulting them is a very strange place to begin.

Agriculture wanted better storytellers. Then we blew up the model that made them

 

I am about to spend World Peace Day talking to a group of 10 to 15 year olds about curiosity, critical thinking, communication and collaboration. Which is slightly confronting when you start looking around at how adults behave.

Before the workshop, the students will answer a short survey. They will answer the same questions afterwards. I am interested to see what changes, and I am also realistic enough to know they are unlikely to walk out several hours later transformed into world-class collaborators who calmly interrogate every assumption before breakfast.

That is because people do not change overnight. Oddly, we seem to forget this every time we organise a workshop.

How many times have you spent a day learning some marvellous new way of doing things, walked out thinking, “This is excellent” put the folder somewhere safe and carried on exactly as before? I have.

We have somehow developed a culture where learning is treated as an event. Book the facilitator, find the room, provide lunch, learn collaboration, home by four. Job done.

I learnt the limitations of that model the long way around.

When I came back into agriculture, people decided I did not look like the stereotype of someone they expected to see representing the industry. Apparently that was useful, so I was pushed out the front and into the media.

This was all very new to me, and I was not remotely comfortable with it, so I demanded training. Then more training. Then more training.

It took me about 15 years to feel comfortable.

The other day I gave a presentation and a number of people told me it was the best presentation they had ever seen.

They should have been at my first one.

It had 127 slides.

I wish I were exaggerating.

That experience changed the way I thought about developing other people. When I started the Young Farming Champions program, I wanted people to have what I had eventually learned I needed, time, repetition, feedback and somewhere safe to keep practising.

The Young Farming Champions model was built around ongoing development. Once you joined, you could remain part of the network for as long as you wanted, continuing to build your skills over time. During COVID, we ran workshops every month, so people could say, “I want to feel more comfortable doing this,” and we could focus on exactly that. We brought in outstanding Australian and international experts, then gave people repeated opportunities to practise, get feedback and keep improving.

That is how confidence grows.

Then agricultural bodies looked at what we were doing and decided they wanted something similar. The young people were already there. The Action4Agriculture team was already training them. What changed was the desire to have the program sit inside their own organisation.

This is where I became increasingly frustrated with the way institutions behave. We talk endlessly about collaboration, but the system often rewards the person who can point to something and say, “That was my idea. I built that. That was my result.”

Once that becomes the prize, curiosity becomes inconvenient.

Nobody asks, “Why is this working?” or “What could we add to what is already here?” The question becomes, “How do we create our own version?”

And that is how duplication starts to look like achievement.

The result can be beautifully efficient.

Train them on Saturday.

Face of the industry by Monday.

It is a wonderfully efficient system, provided human beings work like software updates.

Recently I have been spending time with collaboration specialist Stuart Waters, and he has been subtly  dismantling several things I thought I knew. One of them is my GPS model.

I have used it for years. Goal. Problem. Solution. Where are we trying to go? What is getting in the way? What is the solution? Perfectly sensible.

Except Stuart pointed out something rather inconvenient.

If we knew the solution, we probably would not have the problem.

With complex problems, the solution is rarely sitting there politely waiting for someone clever enough to notice it. Stuart talks instead about steps, experiments, things we can try, learn from and adjust.

So perhaps GPS survives. Goal. Problem. Steps.

I rather like that. It removes the requirement to stride into every complicated situation carrying The Answer.

It also exposes another habit we have. We are often in an extraordinary hurry to solve the problem before we have worked out what the problem actually is. Something goes wrong and we deal with the bit we can see.

People are not collaborating. Students are dropping rubbish. A community is not engaging. A candidate loses an election.

Right. Fix that.

Except those things may be symptoms. The interesting questions sit underneath. Why is this happening? What assumptions are we making? Who knows something we don’t? Who sees the situation differently?

And the question I am finding increasingly important in some other work I am doing is this.

Have we actually spoken to the people most affected?

It is astonishing how often the answer appears to be no. Reports get written, programs get designed, conclusions get reached and entire narratives develop. Meanwhile, somebody sitting right in the middle of the experience is thinking, “You could have asked me.”

And then I am preparing to stand in front of children and put this on a screen.

Stay curious. Ask before you assume. Understand the problem before you solve it. Listen to learn. Share the thinking. Try something small. Learn what happens. Keep going.

The children are not the only people who could use the reminder.

I am also going to ask them something I have found unexpectedly difficult myself.

Who do you know who does this? Who stays curious when everyone else has already decided? Who asks another question? Who listens because they genuinely want to know the answer? Who can say, “I don’t know”? Who can discover something new and change their mind without behaving as though they have suffered a humiliating defeat?

I can think of a few people. Stuart is one.

What I notice when I talk to him is that having expertise has not made him less curious. Quite the opposite. He keeps asking questions. What is the actual dilemma? Who else sees this differently? What could we try? What might we learn?

Perhaps that is what expertise should look like.

Knowing enough to know that you probably don’t know everything.

There is another uncomfortable question sitting underneath my student workshop. We spend a great deal of time telling young people they will need curiosity, critical thinking, creativity, communication and collaboration to navigate the future.

Who are they watching do it now?

Because one workshop will not do it. Not for them. Not for us.

A workshop might introduce an idea. It might give us language for something we had never noticed before. It might even make us uncomfortable enough to rethink something.

Then comes Monday.

That is when the learning starts.

Navigating Conversations Dismissed as “Woke”

 

In today’s political and cultural discussions, the word “woke” has evolved from a term signifying awareness of social injustices into a divisive label.

The term “WOKE” is often used pejoratively to shut down ideas without engaging with their substance. This shift has significant implications for dialogue, understanding, and meaningful connection.

Here’s how we can navigate conversations where this kind of dismissal arises:

1. A Misunderstood Label

Originally, being “woke” was about staying alert to societal inequalities, a call for empathy and awareness. However, the term has been co-opted and weaponised to ridicule progressive ideas. This misuse undermines the genuine intentions behind the term, turning what could be an invitation to discuss complex issues into a barrier to conversation.

How to address it:
Recognise and clarify the original intent behind the term. For instance, you might say, “I think there’s some misunderstanding here when people talk about being ‘woke,’ they often mean being aware of and addressing societal challenges. Can we explore the specific issue you’re concerned about?”

2. Avoidance of Complexity

Labelling something as “woke” often acts as a shortcut, bypassing the effort it takes to understand or address opposing views. Instead of tackling the nuances of an idea, the label serves to discredit it entirely.

How to address it:
Encourage deeper engagement by asking thoughtful, open-ended questions:

  • “What aspects of this idea do you find challenging or unhelpful?”
  • “Have you considered other perspectives on this issue?”

These questions prompt reflection and can steer the conversation towards a more meaningful exchange.

3. Polarisation and Defensiveness

Using “woke” as a derogatory term often reflects defensiveness or an unwillingness to consider ideas outside one’s ideological comfort zone. This dynamic increases polarisation, fostering an “us versus them” mentality that hinders understanding.

How to address it:
Acknowledge the defensiveness without escalating it. You might say, “I understand why this topic might feel polarising. What do you think is at the heart of the disagreement?” This can create a space for empathy and shared values to emerge.

4. Erosion of Dialogue

When terms like “woke” are used dismissively, they derail conversations and reduce opportunities for genuine connection. Instead of discussing the core ideas, the focus shifts to the emotional weight or connotations of the label itself.

How to address it:
Shift the focus back to the issue at hand. For example:

  • “Rather than focusing on labels, I’d like to hear more about your specific concerns regarding this topic.”
  • “Can we move past the term and discuss the underlying problem?”

5. Reframing the Conversation

Reframing is a powerful tool for navigating dismissive language. By steering the dialogue back to the issue itself, you can encourage critical thinking and engagement.

Sample reframes:

  • “What part of this perspective do you think is worth exploring further?”
  • “Do you think there’s common ground we can build on here?”

This approach not only de-escalates tensions but also invites collaboration and mutual understanding.

Why It Matters

Dismissing ideas as “woke” isn’t just a linguistic choice, it reflects broader trends in how we approach disagreement. By refusing to engage deeply, we miss opportunities for growth, compromise, and progress. Navigating these conversations with curiosity and care can help bridge divides and foster a culture of respectful dialogue.

A Call to Action
When faced with dismissive labelling, consider this: Every conversation is an opportunity to connect and learn. By resisting the temptation to retreat or retaliate, we can model the kind of meaningful discourse we wish to see.

Have you encountered this dynamic in your own conversations?

How do you respond when someone uses terms like “woke” to dismiss opposing views?

#woke #dialogue #polarisation #socialjustice #complexity #meaningfulconversation #curiosity #empathy #reframing #debate

Sixty-Eight Seasons Later and Why Exploring the World Matters More Than Ever

Flying back to Australia this year after two seasons away, I felt as if I’d missed a chapter in nature’s book—one I thought I’d read dozens of times. After nearly seven decades of watching winters turn into springs and springs into summers, it was humbling to see how much I still missed by being away. This shift from one season to the next was more than a change in scenery; it was a reminder that the world moves on, whether we’re present or not.

For most of my life, the rhythms of nature have been a constant. I’ve watched Japanese maples bud, daffodils bloom, and wisteria unfurl in countless spring displays. But this absence made me realise how easy it is to take these transitions for granted. Seasons come and go as predictably as the sun rises, yet the details change, and those changes are only visible if we stop and truly look. With every year, I’ve come to understand more deeply how essential it is to stay curious, to investigate the world with fresh eyes, and to never assume that just because you’ve seen something once, you’ve seen it all.

As I reflect on 68 years of life, I’m struck by how much the world itself has changed. Landscapes, communities, climates—each season, each place, has a story to tell if we’re willing to listen. Investigating the world isn’t only about seeing new things; it’s about allowing new perspectives to influence who we are and how we understand our place in the world. Whether that investigation takes the form of travel, reading, or simply watching the familiar with curiosity, it brings fresh layers to our knowledge and resilience.

Curiosity fuels every step forward. It’s what keeps us asking questions, pushing boundaries, and opening doors to unexpected paths. No matter our age, curiosity encourages us to keep learning, and learning keeps us vibrant. This recent journey of ‘missing’ a season has been a reminder that there is always more to see, more to learn, and more to appreciate in the world around us.

So, let’s make investigating the world a priority—whether it’s by visiting new places, nurturing relationships, or simply staying open to change. Seasons may come and go, but with each passing year, there are still new stories waiting to unfold, and it’s up to us to bear witness.

#Curiosity #SeasonsOfLife #InvestigateTheWorld #NeverStopLearning #NatureAndPerspective #TravelAndGrowth #StayCurious #PerspectiveMatters #LifeLessons #EmbraceChange

 

How to Express Your Opinions Respectfully – A Guide for Assertive Communication

Updated October 2026

In May 2024, I shared an article by communications specialist Alex Reed about expressing opinions respectfully. It has become one of the most popular posts on my blog. Two years later, I’ve been revisiting that advice.

I’ve spent much of this year talking with people about leadership, community engagement and what happens when people with different opinions try to make decisions together. I’ve also had some fascinating conversations on Facebook with people whose opinions are very different from mine. Some have challenged my thinking and others have tested my patience.

I’ve discovered that some people would rather explain their opinions for the eleventh time than consider that someone might understand them perfectly well and disagree. And now I’m wondering how many of the arguments I’ve had on Facebook were with actual human beings.

According to Imperva’s 2026 Bad Bot Report, automated systems generated more than 53% of web traffic in 2025, with 40% of total traffic classified as malicious. The figures come from cybersecurity company Imperva’s research into website activity. They don’t tell us how many Facebook commenters are bots, but they raise an interesting question about who or what we are engaging with online.

So I’ve revisited Alex’s advice, added some lessons from my recent experiences, and questioned a couple of the original recommendations.

Know what you want from the conversation

Before you speak, write or comment, ask yourself what you are trying to achieve. Are you sharing information, challenging a claim, trying to persuade someone or genuinely curious about how another person arrived at an opinion you find difficult to understand?

Your purpose will influence how you approach the conversation. And if you’re hoping to change someone’s mind, consider how likely that is when you begin by telling them they’re an idiot.

Be clear and brief

Make your point early and choose words your audience understands. I’ve attended presentations where experts have spent considerable time explaining research, complete with detailed diagrams and impressive terminology. Sometimes the audience understands the information perfectly well. They simply disagree with the conclusions.

Repeating the explanation, with another diagram for good measure, rarely solves that problem. Ask people what they have understood before deciding what else to explain.

Speak for yourself

Alex’s original advice encouraged using phrases such as “I think”, “I feel” and “I believe” to make opinions less confrontational. These expressions can help when describing personal experiences or feelings, but you can also say, “The evidence shows…” or “Can you explain how you reached that conclusion?”

You can disagree strongly without making the disagreement personal. And when you have evidence to support your position, share it.

Listen to understand

Give people the opportunity to finish what they’re saying and read their entire comment before responding. Ask questions such as “What led you to that conclusion?”, “Where did you find that information?” or “Have you considered this evidence?”

You may discover that two people who appear to disagree are actually concerned about the same problem but favour different solutions. You may also discover that you have completely different values. Either discovery tells you something.

Be curious about people who disagree with you

Some of the most interesting conversations I’ve had have been with people whose opinions I strongly oppose. I’m particularly interested in how people I know and respect can reach conclusions that I find abhorrent.

What experiences influenced them? What information are they relying on? Have they considered the consequences of the policies or positions they support? Asking someone to explain their reasoning gives you more information than telling them they’re wrong. Of course, they may ask you to explain yours.

Understand the difference between disagreement and disrespect

You can challenge someone’s argument without attacking their intelligence, character or motives. Criticise the claim, question the evidence and explain the consequences.

If someone makes a statement about immigration, for example, ask how their proposal would affect industries that rely on migrant labour. If someone argues against a policy designed to protect children, ask what alternative protections they propose. Specific questions give people something specific to answer.

Choose your words carefully

The original advice recommended avoiding emotional language. I would qualify that. Some issues deserve an emotional response. Domestic violence, racism, discrimination and threats to people’s safety are hardly subjects about which we should be expected to feel indifferent.

But calling somebody an idiot rarely helps explain your position. Be as passionate as you like about the issue and give people evidence and reasons to consider alongside that passion.

Practise empathy

Try to understand what another person has experienced and what they fear losing. People may reach different political conclusions because their circumstances, opportunities and experiences have been very different. Understanding those experiences can explain their opinions. It doesn’t oblige you to agree with them.

Recognise when someone is trying to provoke you

This is an addition I wouldn’t have considered necessary in May 2024. Before responding to an unfamiliar account online, have a look at its profile and posting history. Does it appear to belong to a real person? Does it repeatedly post the same material? Does it engage with questions or simply respond with another provocative statement?

None of these signs proves an account is automated. Human beings can behave this way too. But if an account repeatedly ignores your questions and tries to provoke another argument, consider whether replying is achieving anything. Remember that other people may be reading the exchange, even if they never comment.

Give people time to respond

In a meeting, allow people to finish and ask for clarification before challenging a statement. Online, read your response before posting it. Have you answered what the person actually said? Have you checked the facts? Is your response likely to encourage a useful exchange?

Sometimes ten minutes away from the keyboard can save another hour of argument.

Know when to leave

Alex’s original article encouraged people to agree to disagree. It’s good advice. You can understand somebody’s position, disagree with every word and end the conversation.

You can also decide that somebody who repeatedly ignores your questions has had enough of your attention. And social media offers a rather convenient feature called the block button.

Remember that communication is a two-way responsibility

Much of the advice about respectful communication concentrates on the person speaking, but the person listening has responsibilities too. Are you prepared to consider evidence that contradicts your opinion? Are you asking questions because you want answers, or because you’re looking for another opportunity to explain yourself?

Can you recognise when somebody understands your argument but doesn’t accept it? And can you admit when somebody has given you information you hadn’t previously considered?

I’ve spent years encouraging young people to develop four skills: curiosity, creativity, collaboration and communication. I’m increasingly convinced that adults could benefit from practising them too.

The next time you encounter someone whose opinions are very different from yours, what would happen if you asked one more question before making your next statement? And how would you know when you’d asked enough?

What are your thoughts? Is this a masterclass in how to have a conversation?


This article revisits and expands on communication advice originally shared in May 2024 from communications specialist Alex Reed.

Source for bot statistics: Imperva, 2026 Bad Bot Report, Bad Bots in the Agentic Age.