Tag: Self care

3 AM Raison Toast and Flat White Festivities to Flip the 3am Night-time Dread

What do they call it when you wake up at 3 AM and beat yourself up? Ah yes, that’s the classic “Middle-of-the-Night Self-Flagellation Hour.” But hey, I’ve decided to rebrand it as “3 AM Raison Toast and Flat White Festivities!”

So, what do you do when you wake up at 3 AM? I used to lie there replaying all my life’s bloopers—super fun, right? Now, I’ve turned it into a mini celebration: “Yay, it’s time for a flat white and toast!” Then, it’s a toss-up. Sometimes I channel my inner domestic goddess—folding laundry, vacuuming, even washing the floors (who am I?). Other times, I just lounge on the couch with a book. Whatever keeps the positive vibes flowing. And soon enough, I’m back in bed, snoozing like a baby.

#EarlyMorningMagic #FlatWhiteFestivities #MidnightMunchies #PositiveVibes #NightOwl #DomesticGoddess #3AMAdventures #NighttimeDread

 

Standing Strong. The Vital Importance of Self-Care Amidst Narcissistic Enablement

Remember, in the pursuit of healing and wholeness, you are never alone.

In the twisted dynamics that often characterise relationships involving narcissistic abuse, victims find themselves not only grappling with the direct impact of the narcissist’s actions but also navigating the complex web of enablers that facilitate such behaviours. These enablers, whether knowingly or unknowingly, contribute to a toxic environment that magnifies the victim’s sense of isolation and helplessness. Amidst this overwhelming tide, the importance of self-care becomes not just a means of maintaining one’s well-being but a crucial act of resistance and empowerment. This blog post aims to underscore the significance of self-care for victims caught in the nexus of narcissistic abuse and enabler dynamics.

Understanding the Role of Enablers

Enablers of narcissistic behaviour often reinforce the abuser’s actions, either by denying the abuse, minimising its impact, or even blaming the victim. This reinforcement can significantly increase the psychological toll on the victim, making it feel as if there’s no way out or no one who truly understands the depth of their plight. In such scenarios, the victim’s reality is constantly invalidated, leading to profound confusion and self-doubt. It’s within this context that self-care emerges as a beacon of hope and a pathway to reclaiming one’s sense of self and autonomy.

The Pillars of Self-Care in the Face of Narcissistic Enablement

  1. Emotional Self-Care: This involves acknowledging and validating your feelings, understanding that your emotional responses to the abuse and the enablers’ actions are legitimate. Practices might include journaling, engaging in therapy, or simply allowing yourself to feel without judgment.
  2. Physical Self-Care: The stress of dealing with narcissistic abuse and its enablers can take a toll on your physical health. Prioritising sleep, nutrition, and physical activity can help bolster your physical resilience, making you better equipped to cope with emotional stress.
  3. Social Self-Care: Isolation is a common tactic used by narcissists and, by extension, their enablers. Reaching out to trusted friends, family, or support groups who understand and validate your experiences can provide a crucial lifeline and counteract feelings of isolation.
  4. Informational Self-Care: Educating yourself about narcissistic abuse, including the roles and tactics of enablers, can empower you with knowledge and help demystify the confusing dynamics you’re experiencing. This understanding can be instrumental in breaking the cycle of abuse.
  5. Setting Boundaries: Perhaps one of the most challenging yet essential aspects of self-care in this context is setting firm boundaries. This might mean limiting or ceasing contact with the narcissist and their enablers, a step that requires immense courage and resolve but is critical for your mental health and well-being.
  6. Seeking Professional Help: Navigating the aftermath of narcissistic abuse and the complicity of enablers can be overwhelming. Professional help from therapists or counsellors who specialise in narcissistic abuse recovery can provide you with tailored strategies to heal and reclaim your life.

The journey of recovery from narcissistic abuse, compounded by the challenges posed by enablers, is undeniably arduous. However, it’s crucial to remember that amidst the chaos, your well-being remains paramount. By committing to self-care, you not only safeguard your physical and emotional health but also take a stand against the cycle of abuse. Self-care is your right, a vital act of self-preservation, and perhaps most importantly, a declaration of your inherent worth and strength. Let it be your anchor, your quiet rebellion against the forces seeking to undermine you.

Remember, in the pursuit of healing and wholeness, you are never alone.

#SelfCareJourney  #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #EmpowermentThroughSelfCare #BreakTheCycle #HealingFromAbuse#SettingBoundaries #SurvivorStrength #EmotionalWellbeing #PhysicalHealthMatters #SocialSupportNetworks

This is a guest post by Alex Reed. 

Alex is a passionate mental health advocate who uses their writing to bridge the gap between clinical psychology and everyday experiences.  Alex offers insights, advice, and comfort to those seeking understanding and solidarity. Alex believes in the power of shared stories to inspire healing and growth.

Navigating the Shadows. The Exploitation of Narcissists’ Victims for Personal Gain

We welcome our newest guest blogger Alex Reed. Alex is a passionate mental health advocate who will use their writing to bridge the gap between clinical psychology and everyday experiences. Alex offers insights, advice, and comfort to those seeking understanding and solidarity.  Alex believes in the power of shared stories to inspire healing and growth.

In the intricate dynamics entwined with narcissistic behaviour, a particularly malevolent pattern frequently overlooked emerges: individuals who perceive the vulnerability of a narcissist’s victim as an avenue to exploit these persons for their own selfish benefit. This blog post aims to shed light on the motivations and strategies of these shadowy exploiters, providing insights and guidance on safeguarding oneself from becoming ensnared in their manipulative tactics.

Deciphering the Dynamics

Narcissists, with their manipulative, domineering, and often abusive conduct, leave their victims in a state of emotional fragility, battling diminished self-worth, disorientation, and a profound sense of isolation. It is amidst this backdrop of vulnerability that shadow exploiters spot their chance, pinpointing these individuals as susceptible marks for their exploitative endeavours.

Motivations Behind the Exploitation

The driving forces of those who prey on the victims of narcissists can vary but typically stem from a pursuit of dominance, control, or financial advantage. These predators are skilled at recognising signs of vulnerability and may deploy charm, simulated empathy, or promises of aid to win over their victim. Nevertheless, their ultimate aim is not to offer bona fide assistance but to harness the victim’s compromised state for their own ends.

Tactics Utilised

  1. Fabricated Companionship: Masquerading as empathetic allies, these exploiters proffer a sympathetic ear and support, all the while collating information to leverage against the victim subsequently.
  2. Financial Predation: Identifying the victim’s potential financial dependency stemming from the narcissistic relationship, exploiters might propose financial “assistance” with ulterior motives or engage in outright theft.
  3. Emotional Subterfuge: They may echo the narcissist’s manipulative tactics, gradually eroding the victim’s self-esteem while portraying themselves as the sole pillar of support.
  4. Enforced Isolation: Similar to narcissists, these individuals strive to cut off their target from other sources of support, rendering the victim increasingly reliant on them.

Safeguarding Measures

  1. Bolster Support Networks: A robust, authentic support network is a formidable defence against exploiters. Re-establish connections with trusted friends and family.
  2. Professional Assistance: A mental health professional can equip you with the necessary tools to rebuild self-esteem and identify unhealthy relationship patterns.
  3. Financial Autonomy: Strive for financial self-sufficiency, if feasible, to diminish vulnerability to economic exploitation.
  4. Inform Yourself: Gaining an understanding of narcissistic behaviour and the manoeuvres of exploiters arms you with the awareness to recognise early warning signs.
  5. Heed Your Instincts: If an individual or situation arouses suspicion, trust your gut feeling and seek counsel from trusted allies or professionals.

The aftermath of involvement with a narcissist is laden with hurdles, including the danger of further exploitation by those who view vulnerability as an exploitable weakness. By comprehending the underlying dynamics and adopting proactive protective strategies, victims can tread the road to recovery with increased security and self-assurance. Remember, genuine support is never conditional nor should it come at the cost of your emotional well-being.

#NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #StopEmotionalExploitation #FinancialIndependence #SupportNetworks #SelfCareJourney #ProtectYourPeace #RecogniseManipulation #HealingPath

 

Catherine Marriott’s spirit is strong. Her courage extraordinary. We #standwithMaz

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The Marriotts – a family of legends – courage personified 

As Australians across the country rally to #standwithMaz by tuning into ABCLandline today to watch Catherine Marriott on the Pardoo Station segment  I am reflecting on the  positives of Catherine’s bravery in taking a stance against inappropriate behaviour towards women by people in powerful positions.  It has highlighted the courage of women in the agriculture sector and unified the sector with a collaborative call to action from both men and women, organisations, business and the community.

I remain stunned anyone would question the timing of the complaint. As I said in a previous post I have no idea what I would do. In the first instance I would want to be 100% confident of my family support, support of friends and knowing my networks have my back. Catherine Marriott has all of those in spades.

Then I would think about self care. Like many others, I too have been bullied on Twitter. I have seen how tough it can be at a political level. I remember vividly walking into a national meeting in Melbourne of a NSW industry  group I was representing. The first thing that happened was been taken into a corner by one of the other women in the room who said I hope you wore your armour, women on committees in our industry in Victoria are only seen to be here to serve the tea and scones. She was right it was very unpleasant. I didn’t last long.

Quoting National Farmers Federation President Fiona Simson from this article Barnaby Joyce leak shocks rural women amid sexual harassment investigation it should be obvious to everyone why I believe people don’t just automatically walk into police stations

“I think some of it is not understanding what is acceptable and feeling maybe a little bit guilty about calling some of it out. But I also think there is a bit of fear around what the repercussions are going to be.”

“Am I going to be trolled if it’s on social media? Am I going to be outed in the workplace? Am I going to lose my job, am I going to be able to progress on the career path that I’m on?”

Catherine Marriott’s recent media statement reiterates this

“This complaint was made not only to address the incident against me — it was about speaking up against inappropriate behaviour by people in powerful positions,” she said.

“Suggestions to the contrary are hurtful, incorrect and the very reason why I hesitated to come forward at the time of the incident.

“Speculation on this issue by people who are unaware of the facts is impacting my right to a fair and due process. The additional stress of having to go through this publicly and with people’s judgement is the exact reason people don’t come forward.”

Self care has to be the number one priority.  Catherine’s bravery has provided an opportunity for our rural champions to come out in force saying to other courageous women we are here for you, we will support you and we will lobby to ensure that courageous women (and men) get the pastoral care they deserve as well as fair and due process  

Catherine Marriott’s spirit is strong. Her courage extraordinary. We #standwithMaz #solidarity4Catherine #strongertogether #strongwomen

 

 

 

Turning the anti-bullying conversation around

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You can find this poster here

When we use the word anti-bullying, we are articulating what we don’t want. So in this instance I ask the question … what do we want?

The counter position to bullying is lost in the current conversations, which is the opportunity to recognise preferred behaviour.

It’s easy to be against and say no .. more difficult to be for and say yes
May be it’s time we got clear and created a turnaround in the conversation?

This above quote is an extract of a comment from reader Andrew on my post Is the Mean Mob Mentality Out Of Control.  See footnote

I am confident we will all agree that Andrew makes a very valid point

When you Google ‘Modelling Anti-Bullying Behaviour’ Google Scholar offers a plethora of articles 

Social science research tells us if we craft the message that signals preferred behaviour we get preferred behaviour.

Using an example I saw at boys school I visited in 2016. The sign in the foyer said “65% of men and boys interviewed think domestic violence occurs”

The social scientists tell us this sign models negative behaviour. The ideal sign would say “100% of men think domestic violence is wrong.”

Clearly the image at the top of the post is a great example of modelling preferred behaviour. See article here

Love other readers thoughts on how we rise to challenge that Andrew has posed

Footnote

Andrew’s comment on the original blog

Where I’m coming from is contrarian to many, so please read to the end.
This is not a criticism of what’s happening in general or the posts and comments here.

In grappling with the issue we are faced with in relation to personal attacks in social and mainstream media we need to call out bullying for what it is, and those carrying out that behaviour need to be held to account.

At this time I’m reminded of Sister Teresa of Calcutta.
She was asked to attend an “anti-war” rally, where the proponents would have obviously used her presence to leverage the PR.
Sister Teresa’s response was if you can explain to me what you are for, I’ll consider it.

When we use the word anti-bullying, we are articulating what we don’t want. So in this instance I ask the question … what do we want?

Using Sister Teresa’s framework … if we are anti bullying, what are we for?

The counter position to bullying is lost in the current conversations, which is the opportunity to recognise preferred behaviour.

We know what we don’t want but, have difficulty articulating what we do want.
When training dogs, we reward positive behaviour for the obvious reason, with young children we do the same when it comes to behaviours. Or we should.

So what behaviour do we wish to recognise as it applies to social and mainstream media behaviour?
It’s easy to be against and say no .. more difficult to be for and say yes
May be it’s time we got clear and created a turnaround in the conversation?

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